Henry Hagglyhoagly's Aria

from Rootabaga Country

I've no gold from a golden hillside
No white charms from a diamond mine
I've no pearls from the finest oysters
Nor have I red ruby rings that shine
More than these have I to give you
More than these we two can share
Richer than the richest riches
Boundless bounty everywhere
Dusks and dawns and constellations
Grasses green between your toes
Hummingbird and bullfrog waltzes
Peaches and pistachios
Creeks and brooks and lakes and rivers
Lilac perfume on the breeze
Seashell whispers, cavern echoes,
Reaching past the redwood trees

You’re my one
Truest love
And I’ll sing it every day
When you’re too
Old to chew
I’ll feed you rutabaga puree
All the beauties of a lifetime
I will give to Your Majesty
If you’ll take these hands forever
If you’ll agree to marry me
Princess, will you marry me?

If You Kiss Me, Miss

from Tomato Red

If you kiss me, miss, I'll give you this tomato
Guaranteed to sweep you off your Mary Janes
All the great men from Copernicus to Plato
Had tomato juice a-pumpin' through their veins!
In the gloaming, under the red tomato sunset
With the foaming of the ocean's waves nearby
You can have your pick of cherry, grape, or plum
If you'll be my little lycopersicum
Let me kiss you, miss, and give you this tomato
And I'll love you 'til I die!

I Have Songs

I have songs old enough to cast a ballot
I have songs old enough to drive a car
I have songs still enshrouded in placenta
I have songs chugging Jager at the bar
This song just completed her Bat Mitzvah
That song started sprouting facial hair
This song’s slowly paying off a mortgage
That song qualifies for Medicare
I have songs wearing braces,
Others in dentures
Songs who’ve had Everest-
Climbing adventures
Songs who birthed babies
Without epidural
Songs who are single
With ex-husbands plural
Songs soiling diapers,
Songs in Depends,
Songs who have buried
Lovers and friends
I have songs fit to graduate from college
I have songs nearly ready to retire
I have songs tucked discreetly in the shadows
I have songs poised to set the world on fire
This song is as virginal as angels
That song has worn out her diaphragm
This song’s skin is leathery as rawhide
That song is too old to give a damn!
I have songs who are nursing,
Others in ashes
Songs menopausal en-
During hot flashes
Songs whose phalanges
Have not finished fusing
Songs who don’t smile much
But find life amusing
One for each moment
I’ve muddled through
Strange and chaotic,
Messy but true
People fill up their diaries and scrapbooks
People post their whole lives on Instagram
On that day I depart the world forever,
I’ll have songs to remind you who I am

A Commuter's Request


Please: when the platform's full and trains are packed, don't shove and hold--let the train doors close
Please: keep your hacking cough, your flatulence, and cigarettes from your neighbor's nose
Please: don't yell on your cell in an overcrowded space
And: stop texting and walk, or I will punch you in the face